Choices versus Talent

"Blessings will come not so much because of your abilities but because of your choices. And the God of the universe will work within and through you, magnifying your humble efforts for His purposes." -President Uchtdorf

I always knew that going back to Italy to research would elicit memories of my time as a missionary. What I did not expect was how deeply my feelings towards this land and these people, and the desire to open my mouth and share the joy of the restore gospel of Jesus Christ, were entrenched. I know understand that my purpose here is not exclusively academic. Rather, the Lord will put me to use here as long as I am willing to serve those around me. I have already received so many blessings through these spiritual "happenstances."

First, the Sereno family. Bologna was a mystery to me. I had been there for one day for a conference, but that was all. I had no idea what to expect from my hosts, had no semblance of their personalities, and had few pictures from my Facebook stalking attempts. What did happen was miracle. Within 3 days I already felt a part of their family. Perhaps it was the fact that Joshua (7 years old) exclaimed, "You're only here a month! No! You have to stay for FIVE years!" Perhaps it was the way Rachel would talk so fast (and so often) that she would have to gasp for air to continue telling me about the game we were to play (which included her being taken to the "hospital" and the many meals we had to cook for her to recover). It may have been the way Eloise cleverly hopped/scooted her way across the floor on one side, constantly babbling and reaching up for me to hold her - and somehow always managing to break into my room to be with me even though she hasn't even completed her first year of life. Perhaps it was the warmness of Claudia and our many chats or the quirky traits and laughter of Giuseppe. Regardless of the motive, I somehow found myself wishing I could find more archives or libraries so I wouldn't have to leave. And so I became a live-in pseudo-babysitter, shared in family home evenings about becoming like Jesus, forced to eat too much food almost every night, and left with tears in my eyes.

Having finished in Bologna, I went to Torino ten days early. After taking the weekend to settling in and visiting the library on Monday, I decided to visit the Casa delle Donne - a smaller archive that never answered my email. I frankly did not expect to find anything...my project touches on but should not be distracted by second-wave feminism of the 1970s. As I sat with one other woman who was also waiting for a meeting to finish, a flyer caught my eye for an event the next evening. One of the speakers in particular stood out to me, and I scanned through my notes. Sure enough, she had written a book on Lotta Continua, and I had relied on one of her chapters on housing occupations for sources. Once the meeting ended, I took someone aside and asked if I could attend in order to meet her. "Why yes! But Elena is here tonight!" This kind woman then introduced me to Elena, who has been invaluable in directing me to other resources, and even writing her colleagues in Milan to help me have further contacts. One cannot say that I was not guided, having finished in Bologna early, and feeling that I should go to that place on that unassuming evening.

Third, Anna Maria. I don't even know where I was going, but somehow I was waiting for the bus at 8:30 on a Wednesday night. An elderly woman was there, trying to figure out when the next bus would pass. I took out my headphones and sent a text to the automated system to figure out how long we would wait. From exchanging casual remarks, we somehow had a profoundly deep conversation on the reality of Christ and the blessings of faith. After sitting together for a time, Anna Maria kissed my cheeks, squeezed my hand, and made me promise three times to come and find her. And so that Sunday I went and rang her bell. "Who's there?" she asked. "I'm Sarah, the girl you met at the..." She didn't even let me finish. "Sarah! What a wonderful surprise that you came to find me today. Please, come up, come up!" For an hour we chatted about our families, about the passing of her son (at too young an age), and the power and strength that comes through believing in a higher being and plan. I almost felt like I was sitting in my grandmother's living room again. I plan on going back with the missionaries to carry on such a wonderful friendship.

Finally, Marisol. I had the opportunity to teach her and her cute daughter, Alessia, as a missionary. I sent her a message about being in Bergamo, and we coordinated a time for lunch together. Even though over 5 years have past, I cannot describe the love and tenderness I felt when I saw here. Later, when Alessia came home, something had gone wrong at school. After taking a moment, she rejoined us, and I gave her a hug telling her not to worry what other said about her. She didn't just hug me back, but clung to me. Three hours somehow passed, and Alessia came with her dad to drop me off at the church to meet friends. She ran through the rooms, recalling fond memories, and exclaimed she wanted to come back.

All of these experiences have helped me realize that the mission truly is a part of me. The love and happiness I cultivated over 18 months has only continued to grow stronger and stronger. My research is going so well because of those experiences years ago and newer ones as well, and my research also gives me a chance to revisit and cultivate new relationships. How grateful I am that despite my weaknesses and lack of talent, the Lord is blessing me because of my choices. Every day I hope to choose to help one more person, to send one more message to someone who may need a lift, or follow that small whisper that tells me to go to that place or talk with that person. Italy has made me better, and I only hope that I will somehow be able to make Italy a little better by being here.